Express Lanes

So whats the deal with express lanes at grocery stores..Are they really express? And what does 10 items or less mean, is this set in stone, or are there exceptions. Now I know that you all look to see which lane is shortest when its time to check out like I do. I imagine that you also look into your basket and decide if you meet the requirements of the EXPRESS LANE. Today I had 10 items exactly or did I...Does this bag of oranges count as one item or 10, does this bag of tomatoes count as two items or one, it clearly should count as one since its in one bag, right. And what about buy one get one for free items..Do they count as one or two items. What the heck, I'm going to the express lane. Well once I laid my items out it sure looked like a lot more than 10 items cause one of the items was a 24 pack of water which took up a lot of room on the belt. I know the lady behind me was counting my items as I continued to unload them. I could see the number chart ticking in her head. Was she about to call me OUT!

And why may I ask do they have those impulse items at the express lane, you know the gum, candy bars etc. Is this only for people that have not meet the max item count of 10. Is this a social experiment I'm part of and don't know it. This is too much to handle I really would like a Almond Joy bar. I wait until the lady behind me looks away and quickly I take that Almond Joy bar and hide it under the bag of oranges...the rush was almost too much to handle. Once it became my turn to be checked out the clerk greeted me and started to scan my items..I held my breath hoping that she wasn't counting items as she scanned, I wouldn't want to be put on the spot and decide which of these items I would have to put back..I really wanted that Almond Joy bar even though it was an impulse buy. I tried to distract her buy asking about her day, I figured she would loose count if she was having a conversation. It seemed to be working, she had just keyed my last item, then...................Sir, would you like to purchase a book of stamps, she asked?

"WHAT, you mean to tell me I just spent 2 minutes worried that I was about to be called out, arrested for breaking the law of express checkout, and you want to know if I want a book of stamps?"

Next time I'm using the express lane even when my buggy is spilling over the top. They don't count the items.